I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
thus making me awesome and them whores
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
