I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
