I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
