I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
