what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
