ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
