Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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