Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
