Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So much rum. So many feels.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
