U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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