never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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