I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
