butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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