and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
