My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
