Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
