I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
