I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
