Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
