Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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