I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
