I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
