i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize