He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
