She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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