god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
