He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
