a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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