new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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