I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
