I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
