We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
