What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
