Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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