I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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