just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
