my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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