this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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