We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
