My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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