Where is the hickey?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
