I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
