Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
