I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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