HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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