I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
