No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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