Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
