Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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