$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
