you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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