everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
