Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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