Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was confusing and full of hummus
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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