your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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