He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
