she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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