Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize