You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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