Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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