he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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