And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
