Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
