My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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