i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Randomize
