I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
whose parrot is this?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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