Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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