Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
