but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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