Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
