I accidentally had phone sex last night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize