Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
