I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
