you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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