she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
