KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
