college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
