I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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