I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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