Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
