let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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