I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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