I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
