he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
