I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
