You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
