I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
