If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
