I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
