i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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